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Showing posts with label funny-quotes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny-quotes. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Funny Quotes About Jobs to Keep You Laughing In This Economy





From Denny:  Everyone has jobs on their mind.  Everyone wants a better paying job, a long term job, a job with real health benefits and a pension.  Keep dreaming.  Someone has to stay positive in this economy.

If all that day dreaming doesn't work out for you how about laughing your way through the trying times?  These cute quotes will keep you smiling and stuffed full of happy thoughts - while you roll your eyes at yet one more blowhard self-important boss in a Boring Contest corporate meeting.



Rockin' Christmas Throw Pillow


Have a rockin' great Christmas, complete with dancing Christmas tree and singing reindeer!  Support Warriors Pearl Foundation - helping homeless female military veterans come home.  Visit Denny Lyon Gifts  @ CafePress.com  -  see what's new!  Thanks for your support.  You rock!





Quotes

* Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas. - Paula Poundstone

* The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does. - Anonymous

* By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day. - Robert Frost

* I think my idea of retirement might be to one day work a 40-hour week. - Vince McMahon

* Statistics indicate that, as a result of overwork, modern executives are dropping like flies on the nation's golf courses. - Ira Wallach

* What the world really needs is more love and less paper work. - Pearl Bailey, jazz singer in the 1950's

* One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important. - Bertrand Russell

* What is it that you like doing? If you don't like it, get out of it, because you'll be lousy at it. - Lee Iacocca

* A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer. ~ Dean Acheson - Otherwise known as C. Y. A.

* Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion. - C. Northcote Parkinson





Source: LakePalin @ Photobucket



* The difference between a job and a career is the difference between forty and sixty hours a week. - Robert Frost

* The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office. - Robert Frost

* People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up. - Ogden Nash

* You're no good unless you are a good assistant; and if you are, you're too good to be an assistant. - Martin H. Fischer

* An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field. - Niels Bohr

* Law of the Alibi:  If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. - Anonymous

* A baseball game is twice as much fun if you're seeing it on the company's time. - William C. Feather

* I've met a few people in my time who were enthusiastic about hard work. And it was just my luck that all of them happened to be men I was working for at the time. - Bill Gold

* Researchers at Harvard say that taking a power nap for an hour in the afternoon can totally refresh you. They say that by the time you wake up you'll feel so good, you'll be able to start looking for a new job. - Jay Leno

* I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy. - Danny McGoorty

* Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so. - Douglas Adams

* The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form. - Stanley J. Randall



Funny Normal is Boring Suede Pillow


Throw out your funny challenge of the day - Normal is Boring... Step Aside


Support Warriors Pearl Foundation - helping homeless female military veterans come home.  Visit Denny Lyon Gifts  @ CafePress.com  -  see what's new!  Thanks for your support.  You rock!


* The supreme accomplishment is to blur the line between work and play. - Arnold Toynbee

* A Mission Statement is a dense slab of words that a large organization produces when it needs to establish that its workers are not just sitting around downloading Internet porn. - Dave Barry

* Monday is a lame way to spend 1/7 of your life. - Anonymous

* A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B. - "Fats" Domino, singer from the 1950's and 60's

* Find a job you like and you add five days to every week. - H. Jackson Browne

* Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats. - Howard Aiken

* The number one sign you have nothing to do at work: The 4th Division of Paperclips has overrun the Pushpin Infantry and General White-Out has called for a new skirmish. - Fred Barling, "Humorscope"

* If a train station is where the train stops, what's a work station? - Anonymous

* Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties. - Doug Larson



Unemployed

Source:  AuroraTN @ Photobucket




* Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. - Anonymous

* Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work. - John G. Pollard

* Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. - Robert Orben

* If you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way. - Homer Simpson, The Simpsons  (Let's see:  half-assed pay = half-assed work or the old proverb:  If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.)


Fat Elf Christmas Suede Pillow


Delivery: 1 fat elf stuffed full of good cheer!



* * *  Support Warriors Pearl Foundation - helping homeless female military veterans come home.  Visit Denny Lyon Gifts  @ CafePress.com  -  see what's new!  Thanks for your support.  You rock!


Subscribe in a reader to Dennys Funny Quotes

* Check out Dennys News Politics Comedy Science Arts & Food - a place where all my other 20 blogs link so you can choose from among the latest posts all in one place.  A free to read online newspaper from independent journalist blogger Denny Lyon. * 

*** THANKS for visiting, feel welcome to drop a comment or opinion, enjoy bookmarking this post on your favorite social site, a big shout out to awesome current subscribers – and if you are new to this blog, please subscribe in a reader or by email updates!



*** Check out Holiday Recipes From Dennys Food and Recipes


Friday, February 3, 2012

34 Funny Friday Quotes, Friday Music Video





From Denny:  Need a little weekend inspiration?  Bored in your corporate cubicle?  Your mind wandering far, far away from work because your body can't wait to leave?

These funny, and sometimes downright wicked, quotes should get you through the last remaining hours before the weekend officially starts.

Check out the silly Friday song by Rebecca Black.  So far it's been viewed over 21 million times.  Now that's a lot of bored folks out in the virtual work world with too much time on their hands.





Funny Friday Work Percent Performance Dry T-Shirt



Have some fun: Funny Friday Work Percent design lets the world know just how much - or how little - you work each day of the week.



* * *  Please support Warriors Pearl Foundation - helping homeless female military veterans come home.  Visit Denny Lyon Gifts  @ CafePress.com  -   - see what's new!  (yes, my new charity - why stand on the sidelines when you can actively do something about a problem?)



Quotes

If you must have motivation, think of your paycheck on Friday. - Noel Coward

The only reason why we ask other people how their weekend was is so we can tell them about our own weekend. - Chuck Palahniuk

Weekends are a bit like rainbows; they look good from a distance but disappear when you get up close to them. - John Shirley

There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting. - George Carlin


Youth is like a long weekend on Friday night. Middle age is like a long weekend on Monday afternoon.  - Richard Nelson Bolles




Wagner was a monster.  He was anti-Semitic on Mondays and vegetarian on Tuesdays.  On Wednesday he was in favor of annexing Newfoundland.  On Thursday he wanted to sink Venice and on Friday he wanted to blow up the Pope. - Tony Palmer


I think we're seeing in working mothers a change from 'Thank God it's Friday' to 'Thank God it's Monday.' If any working mother has not experienced that feeling, her children are not adolescent. - Ann Diehl

Not for nothing is their motto TGIF - 'Thank God It's Friday.' They live for the weekends, when they can go do what they really want to do. - Richard Nelson Bolles

Fridays are not 'pants optional.' - Nancy Cartwright

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music, and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. Henry Youngman 




Funny Friday Enthusiasm Men's Green T-Shirt



Funny Friday Enthusiasm Saying:  Make each day of the week like Friday and your life will take on new enthusiasm

* * *  Please support Warriors Pearl Foundation - helping homeless female military veterans come home.  Visit Denny Lyon Gifts  @ CafePress.com  -   - see what's new!  (yes, my new charity - why stand on the sidelines when you can actively do something about a problem?)




People are surprised at how down-to-earth I am. I like to stay home on Friday nights and listen to 'The Art of Happiness' by the Dalai Lama. -  Carmen Electra

Contrary to what the fans may think, you don't just show up, wear a striped shirt and a whistle on Friday night. - Jim Mitchell 

A bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song. - Coach Lou Holtz

Worrying ain't a waste of time! If you never want things to happen, start worrying about them, success rate 90%! :P

Hmmm… Who should I stalk on Facebook now? :) - Anonymous





Check out this Friday song and video viewed by 21 million so far:









The funniest thing keeps happening to me on Fridays…I miss place my energy when the sun comes up and I always seem to find it when the sun goes down…I think I have it all backwards…Friday is funny! LOL!


Friday's child is loving and giving. - Anonymous


I'm not that girl from Freaky Friday any more! I'm a real adult. In fact, I hate children! I hate them all! - Lindsay Lohan

I'm working 2 days a week right now, narration usually on Wed., and host on camera on Friday. - Robert Stack

If it comes back, I think that Friday night is not a good night to be on. - Amber Tamblyn


Friday should be a day that means you are nearing the end of a satisfying week and look forward to the weekend as simply a time to enjoy other activities but not as a method of mental escape. - Byron Pulsifer





Make each day of the week like Friday and your life will take on new enthusiasm. - Byron Pulsifer


Finally, I will get the time to think of a password for my computer other than "password". hahaha. :P


It is bad luck to fall out of a thirteenth story window on Friday. - American Proverb

Only Robinson Crusoe had everything done by Friday. 
 - Anonymous 

 
The scale and I are finally at peace with each other by the end of the week and it has nothing to do with food. - Anonymous 



Rock The Vote! Fat Cat 4 Prez Note Cards (10 pk)

Rock The Vote! Fat Cat 4 Prez - Join his growing popular campaign for the White House

* * *  Please support Warriors Pearl Foundation - helping homeless female military veterans come home.  Visit Denny Lyon Gifts  @ CafePress.com  -   - see what's new!  (yes, my new charity - why stand on the sidelines when you can actively do something about a problem?)





I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, 4% Friday. 
 - Anonymous  

Joey: You can't have Thanksgiving without turkey. That's like Fourth of July without apple pie, or Friday with no two pizzas. -  TV show "Friends"


Though I have the desire and goal for sweeping and vacuuming the floors, it would require me to clean up everything on the floor first. - Anonymous


Your hair may be brushed, but your mind's untidy. You've had about seven hours of sleep since Friday. No wonder you feel that lost sensation. You're sunk from a riot of relaxation. - Ogden Nash



My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil. - Paul Getty, oil billionaire



There aren’t enough days in the weekend. - Rod Schmidt
Weekends don’t count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless. - Bill Waterson


Funny Friday Weekend Women's Dark Pajamas 


Tell the world how you really feel about coming back to work

* * *  Please support Warriors Pearl Foundation - helping homeless female military veterans come home.  Visit Denny Lyon Gifts  @ CafePress.com  -   - see what's new!  (yes, my new charity - why stand on the sidelines when you can actively do something about a problem?)


Quotes about Happy_Friday


* * *  Please support Warriors Pearl Foundation - helping homeless female military veterans come home.  Visit Denny Lyon Gifts  @ CafePress.com  -   - see what's new!  (yes, my new charity - why stand on the sidelines when you can actively do something about a problem?)





Subscribe in a reader to Dennys Funny Quotes


* Check out Dennys News Politics Comedy Science Arts & Food - a place where all my other 20 blogs link so you can choose from among the latest posts all in one place.  A free to read online newspaper from independent journalist blogger Denny Lyon. * 

*** THANKS for visiting, feel welcome to drop a comment or opinion, enjoy bookmarking this post on your favorite social site, a big shout out to awesome current subscribers – and if you are new to this blog, please subscribe in a reader or by email updates!


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Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The Social Poets: Funny 2012 Election Late Nite Jokes and Videos


Moneybomb advertising often makes use of inver...


The Social Poets: Funny 2012 Election Late Nite Jokes and Videos: From Denny: With the holiday season yesterday's news, it's time to catch up on the hilarious jokes from the late night comics about the GOP candidates and their utterly lame "debates." These are all the jokes from December 2011 and half of January 2012.

As the political season wears on - and wears out the goodwill of the public - the jokes will only get sharper as the political attacks get nastier. Put on your hockey face mask as the Zingers are about to get hurled at you from every angle during the next 11 months.

All the major news networks are now calling for some serious fact-checking on those GOP claims pooped out onto the airwaves.

You know it's really bad when the mainstream news starts complaining about the very guys who buy the ads on their networks that they encouraged to behave so badly in the first place. Do you think it might have something to do with the fact the majority of the public is not paying attention to those silly debates?

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Beautiful Illustrated Quotations: 12 Funny Quotes About Prayer

Bird Song!

Beautiful Illustrated Quotations: 12 Funny Quotes About Prayer: From Denny: Prayer is a wonderful thing. It can bring us comfort, calm our fears and inspire us. It's also quite amusing to view it in terms of the human condition called "whining." There is also "bargaining." Once you grow past those two obvious pitfalls you discover "peaceful communion."

Monday, November 7, 2011

Calling In Sick To Your Boss: 15 Funniest New Excuses


Claiming your young daughter stole your car is just one of many bizarre excuses to miss work.
From Denny:  When you don't feel like going in to work, pull out your little Black Book Of Funny Excuses.  Well, there is a new edition in town since a career survey was conducted.

During the colder weather of autumn and winter most people call in sick due to illness like colds and flu.  Illness accounts for 39 percent of employees missing in action, according to the survey.

But then there are the creative types who just want an excuse to spend more time with their families.  Others just want to spend more time in bed because the weather is too crappy to deal with.  Or the procrastinators realize they need to get in some last minute holiday shopping.

So, what hilarious excuses are this generation of employees offering up as savory mind candy to their bosses?  If I were their boss I would give them the day off just for creativity and the boldness to try to sell something so absolutely ridiculous.


15 Funniest New Excuses for Calling In Sick to Your Boss

1) My 12-year-old daughter stole my car that was my only way to get to work.  He was reluctant to report his daughter's (imaginary) theft to the police.

2) Bats got in my hair and you know how crazy bats can get doing ugly things to your hair.

3) Uh, a refrigerator fell on me.

4) I stopped to get my morning coffee on the way to work.  While I was in line I saw a dump truck drive up that was full of flour and saw it back into my convertible and empty said flour into my car.

5) It's hunting season and a deer bit me.

6) I ate too much at a weekend party.

7) I was in such a hurry to get to work while I was still half asleep from the time change that I fell out of bed and broke my nose this morning.

8) I got a cold from my new puppy.

9) My toddler thought it was funny to stick a mint up his nose so I had to go to the ER to get it removed.

10) I hurt my back while I was chasing a beaver. (a little double meaning on that one)

11) When I got out of bed this morning to come to work I accidentally got my toe caught in the heat register vent cover.

12) I couldn't come to work this morning because of all the garage sales I went to this weekend.  They gave me a bad headache.

13) I couldn't come to work this morning because I got a call from the FBI informing me that my brother-in-law was kidnapped by a drug cartel while visiting Mexico.

14) This morning I drank anti-freeze by mistake and had to go to the hospital.

15) This weekend I went to a bowling alley.  I got hit on the head by a bucket of water that crashed through the ceiling because they had a leak at the bowling alley and the bucket overflowed.








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Dennys: News Politics Comedy Science Arts Food - an online newspaper
Dennys Global Politics
The Social Poets - news, politics, political cartoon humor
The Soul Calendar - science, astronomy, psychology
Visual Insights - photos, art, music
Dennys Art Sanctuary
Beautiful Illustrated Quotations - spiritual quotes, philosophy
Best Spiritual Posts - my own best as well as links to other spiritual posts from all viewpoints
Poems From A Spiritual Heart - poetry
The Healing Waters - health news
Dennys People Watching - people in the news
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Friday, April 1, 2011

The Social Poets: Funny April Fools Day - Cheeky Quote Day


The Social Poets: Funny April Fools Day - Cheeky Quote Day 31 Mar 2010: "Just how old is the April Fools Day custom? Back in the 1500's, about 1582 in France, the day began as a way to ridicule stodgy people who were too stubborn to change with the times. Spring time is the season of change and cultures have always honored it. What funnier way to honor the concept of change in our lives than to play an April Fool's Day joke on someone? Tell yourself to be a good sport if you find yourself on the other side of that practical joke. The whole point of the day is to learn how to laugh at yourself because that is a sure sign that you are no fool. Ah, the road to wisdom... :)"

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Dennys: News Politics Comedy Science Arts & Food: 3 Funny St. Patricks Day Posts, Lots of Quotes

ST. PATRICK'S DAY PARADE 2007 - DUBLINSt. Patrick's Day parade in Dublin, Ireland - Image by infomatique via Flickr
Dennys: News Politics Comedy Science Arts & Food: 3 Funny St. Patricks Day Posts, Lots of Quotes: " Green hats are cool - if you are Irish. Well, someone tell that Irishman not to go to China. Why? Turns out 'the wearing of the green (hat)' is a cultural sign to society that..."

Yeah, this was a "teaser" and you have to go to my blog to read the rest of the post. And, yes, there was one Mary O'Brien in the family tree a while ago.  She must have passed down her teasing sense of humor. :)

The Social Poets: St. Patricks Day Funnies and History - Cheeky Quote Day 10 Mar 2010

The Social Poets: St. Patricks Day Funnies and History - Cheeky Quote Day 10 Mar 2010

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

36 Christmas Posts: Music, Humor, Poems, Stories, Quotes

Explore a bonanza of Christmas offerings from music to humor to quotes to food and lots of good stories - and poems, both original and traditions from the past.




From Denny:  The adventure of blogging began two years ago and I've never looked back. Talk about fun! Christmas will always remain my favorite time of the year. Yes, I'm one of those people who holds in their heart the mantra of "I Believe!" Santa represents the goodwill spirit that humanity needs to cultivate and spread in abundance from generation to generation.  Goodwill is the fuel we all need on the Path of Hope as each generation struggles to learn and grow.

These posts represent two year's worth of posts. If I keep at it, just think, in a couple of more years I might make it to 100 Christmas posts! :) Take a look and take your pick to nourish your Christmas Spirit and help soothe your stress that always seems to visit during the holiday season.

Thank you for all your support on all my blogs this year! And may you and yours enjoy a wonderful New Year as well!



Lots of Christmas season humor to make you laugh during the stressful holiday rush:


Funny Christmas Conversations Story - Do you remember the funny and downright lame excuses your parents used to give you when talking about Santa coming to visit on Christmas Eve? 3 videos, Cajun Night Before Christmas video poem.

Funny Christmas Cartoons - Check out the irreverent cartoonist offerings for the holiday season.

Funny Holiday Fashion: Gluttony Pants - Get the latest holiday clothing to ensure comfortable holiday feasting.

Funny Life Cartoons This Week - 6 Dec 2010 - Enjoy some laughs while you shop til you drop this holiday season.

The Funny Side of Christmas - Cheeky Quote Day! 16 Dec 2009

Cheeky Quote Day! 23 Dec 2009

Funny Christmas Quotes and More Holiday Fun

Funny Story: Lovable Inflatable Christmas Louise - Don't you just love it when your friends send you these hilarious emails by anonymous authors?




Santas Curmudgeon Version of The Christmas Story

Funny Essay on Why Santa Must Really Be A Woman - Check out the funny reasons why someone thinks Santa might really be female (warning: slightly risque Photoshop photo)

Roundup of Late Night Funnies 28 Dec 2009

Lampooning Late Night Funnies Roundup 21 Dec 2009

Roundup of Late Night Funnies 7 Dec 2009

Editorial Cartoons 5 Dec 2009

Fun Christmas Blog Post Dividers and Animations



Holiday Food:

Holiday Recipes From Dennys Food and Recipes






Serious Christmas posts, poetry and music:

Gifts From The Heart, A Christmas Poem

A Man In Love - A true story of just how far a man will go to survive when he is in love during war time - a holiday poem story about the struggle for love reunited.

Christmas Poem: Some Children See Him

Christmas Love Story: The Burglars Christmas

Christmas Story: The Gift of the Magi

Christmas PEACE Poem by Longfellow: Christmas Bells

Original Christmas Poem Story: The Night Before Christmas

The Nativity Christmas Story Retold Thru Unusual Questions

Christmas Story: Yes, Virginia, There is a Santa Claus

Christmas Story: Christmas Day in the Morning

Lanugages of the World: How to Say Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Original Story by Dickens: A Christmas Carol






Music videos:

Music Video: You Raise Me Up by Josh Groban

Music Video: The Prayer by Josh Groban, Celine Dion, Charlotte Church

Music Video: In The Arms Of The Angel by Sarah McLachlan and Josh Groban

Music Video: O Holy Night by Celine Dion

Music Video: Note to God by David Foster and Charice

Music Video: The Christmas Shoes

Music Video: Where Are You Christmas? by Faith Hill

Music Video: Mary, Did You Know? By Clay Aiken




*** THANKS for visiting, feel welcome to drop a comment or opinion, enjoy bookmarking this post on your favorite social site, a big shout out to awesome current subscribers – and if you are new to this blog, please subscribe in a reader or by email updates!

*** Come by for a visit and check out my other blogs:

The Social Poets - news, politics
The Soul Calendar - science, astronomy, psychology
Visual Insights - photos, art, music
Beautiful Illustrated Quotations - spiritual quotes, philosophy
Best Spiritual Posts
Poems From A Spiritual Heart - poetry
The Healing Waters - health news
Dennys People Watching - people in the news
Dennys Food and Recipes
Dennys Funny Quotes - humor

Holiday Recipes From Dennys Food and Recipes
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