Communication gap....

A man is driving in his car on the road.
A woman is driving in her car on the same road, but in opposite direction

When they pass each other, the man opens his car window and shouts to the woman: DONKEY !

The man immediately responds: MONKEY !

But continue their separate ways, the woman being very satisfied with her quick and smart reaction.

And just as she reaches the first curve on the road....



Moral of the story:
"Women never really understand what men are trying to say to them."

Help is at hand

Dear John

I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work leaving my
husband in the house watching TV.
My car started stalling and then it broke down about a mile down the road and I had to walk back to get my husband's help. When I got home, I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor's daughter!

I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbor's daughter is 19. We have been married for ten years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months.
He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I am a wreck and need advice urgently. Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Sheila



Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine.
Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is
clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.


I hope this helps,

John

The Accident

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold
Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished
but amazingly neither of them is hurt. God works in Mysterious ways.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So.... you're a man.
That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars!

There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that
we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of
our days".

Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this
must be a sign from God!"

The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle.
My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely
God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man.The man nods his head in
agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the
woman.

The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police...."

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Women are evil.
Don't mess with them.

Life After Death

Gwen was one of those UGLY women, so ugly it hurts, she never had a boyfriend. So she went to a psychic for help.

Honey! - said the psychic. You will not have luck in love in this life.

But after death, you will be a much desired woman and all men will fall at your feet.

Gwen left very happy and so excited, as she went over a bridge she thought:

"The sooner I die, the sooner my next life begins” She decided to jump off the bridge right away.

But, incredibly Gwen didn't die!

She fell on the back of a truck full of bananas; she lost her senses and fainted. As soon as she recovered, still drowsy and not being able to see very well, and not knowing where she was, she started touching her surroundings, feeling all the bananas she mumbled with a huge smile on her face and said
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.
.
.
.
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.
.
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"GENTLEMEN, PLEASE!… ONE AT A TIME!"