To be Followed

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

Men are like steel. when they lose their temper, they lose their worth.

If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?

You can pretend to be serious; you can’t pretend to be witty.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Don't spend all your money on a safe.

Hunger is the best sauce.

If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

They say time is the fire in which we burn.

Be lions roaring through the forests of knowledge.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

Crazy decisions turns into best memories.

You want to chill. Wait let me throw some ice at you.

Humorous Quotes

Why do in Life, cool things only happen when I DON'T have a camera.

"Hey, someone needs a hug!" "No, please don't touch me."

Really funny how fast you can get up in the morning when you realize you overslept.

That awkward moment when you're actually telling the truth but you laugh during it, and everybody thinks you're lying.

My friend like women like he likes my math. Easy or else he'll end up cheating.

If killing wasn't illegal, you'd be dead..... 100 times.

Why you keep those numbers in your contacts you never use but never delete.

Eating food that's too hot and start breathing like a retarded dragon.

We all have that one look we give to our friends when someone hot walks by.

When they try to look at your screen while you're texting.

Don't call me lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.

(pregnant girl at bus stop)
Boy: what are you expecting?
Girl: bus?
Boy turns to his friend and says: Cool, this girl got screwed by a transformer.

They are coming. I wish we could just fast forward to summer.

Sometime we wake up from a power nap and have no idea what day, month or year it is..