Strange but True

When others don't laugh at my jokes I just assume that they're not up to my level of comedy.

I believe in hate at first sight.

I clap because it's over, not because I liked it.

Do you know what's worse than Monday?
Nothing...

My gum lasts longer than your relationships.

Kids often go to the bathroom in the middle of class just to waste time.

Humorous Quotes

Why do in Life, cool things only happen when I DON'T have a camera.

"Hey, someone needs a hug!" "No, please don't touch me."

Really funny how fast you can get up in the morning when you realize you overslept.

That awkward moment when you're actually telling the truth but you laugh during it, and everybody thinks you're lying.

My friend like women like he likes my math. Easy or else he'll end up cheating.

If killing wasn't illegal, you'd be dead..... 100 times.

Why you keep those numbers in your contacts you never use but never delete.

Eating food that's too hot and start breathing like a retarded dragon.

We all have that one look we give to our friends when someone hot walks by.

When they try to look at your screen while you're texting.

Don't call me lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.

(pregnant girl at bus stop)
Boy: what are you expecting?
Girl: bus?
Boy turns to his friend and says: Cool, this girl got screwed by a transformer.

They are coming. I wish we could just fast forward to summer.

Sometime we wake up from a power nap and have no idea what day, month or year it is..

That strange moment

That strange moment when you can’t stop laughing while telling a joke & when you're finally done, your friends doesn’t even get it.

Being Normal

I tried being normal once. Wasted 5 minutes of my life.

Sometimes

Sometimes they throwing their phone in anger. then checking if its still ok.