Funny quotes

"Britain is not an island ... yes, yes it is, but ..."
- Unidentified MP, on BBC Radio 4

"The president continues to surprise people, so I'm not surprised
surprised. "
- U. S. Defense Secy Cheney censored ~ ~

"President Bush is due to address nation at about 20
minute. "
- Peter Jennings, ABC News

"Mobile launchers are more difficult to detect because they move
round, unlike fixed launchers. "
- Katie Coucik, NBC News
- From Lowell McCulley (Nashua, NH, USA)

"Continuous coverage of the war in the Persian Gulf will be resumed in
a moment. "
- Tom Brokaw, NBC News
- From Jeff E. Nelson (Nashua, NH, USA)

"We have a good reason to believe he was stabbed. There was a sharp
object sticking out his chest. "
- Lt R. Travis, Newburgh, NY, Police Department,
cited in National Lampoon Calendar
- From Jim Reisert (Hudson, MA, USA)

"The City of Rochester (Michigan) is considering a ban on smoking
in the park because people leave their butts on the beach. "
- Announcer, WJR Radio, Detroit, MI
- From Jim Cotton (Novi, MI, USA)

"Men aged 18 and 25 must register for the proposal
their 18 birthday. "
- Create a U. S. Post Office
- From Bruce Stadler (Dallas, TX, USA)

"We have to expect it, otherwise we would be surprised."
- Unidentified general officer, re: the Gulf War.
- From Thierry Ciot (Valbonne, France)

"It is obligatory for tenderer to demonstrate that the stated
performance can be achieved by the proposed
system. "
- Request for a variety of unidentified
potential customer
- From Kass Antanaitis (Canberra, Australia)

"Although some functional managers had heard of RISC, almost
nobody had heard of RISC "
- Digital Marketing Study
- From Ken Berkun (Hong Kong)

Sir James Spicer ... has officially opened at a toilet urinating
Valley first school in the neighborhood of Dorchester. "
- VNS # 2244 General News, January 23, 1990
- ~ Censored ~ Van Binder (Nashua, NH, USA)

"Tensions in Latvia ... are tense ..."
- WBZ Radio, Boston, January 21, 1991, News
- From Gunars Zagare (Andover, MA, USA)

"If you could live here always, would you and why? Answer: "I would
not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were
supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we can not live
forever, that's why I would not live forever, "
- Miss Alabama in 1994
- Miss USA competition.

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of
your life. "
- Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on another part of my body,"
- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"The Lowdown villain deserves to be kicked to death by a donkey,
and I'm just the one to do it. "
- A Congressional candidate in Texas.

"I do not feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them.
There were large numbers of people who needed new land, and Indians
were selfishly trying to keep for themselves. "
- John Wayne

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
- Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark

"It is not pollution that is harmful to the environment. Impurities
in our air and water that it does. "
- Unknown. This is due to:
Al Gore, Vice President
Dan Quayle, Vice President
George W. Bush, Governor of Texas

"I love California. I almost grew up in Phoenix."
- Dan Quayle

"It is no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or
another "
- George Bush, U.S. president

"We have to stop and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need"
- Lee Iacocca

"I was with additional input that was radically different
truth. I helped promote this version. "
- Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.

"The word" genius "is not applicable in football. A genius is a man who
Norman Einstein. "
- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback and sports analyst.

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
- Al Gore, Vice President

The very best of funny quotes for the readers of itshumour.blogspot.com Thank you