A well said quote clicks on the mind and inspires but when, at the same time, it is funny, it makes the day bright too.
So for the all those surfers who look for entertainment (well all), these 99 funniest, spicy, juicy and hilarious quotes can really prove good help when they scroll on.
0. Being Lazy and getting award
If there was an award for laziness... I'd probably send someone to pick it up for me.
1. Think Negative
Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
~Jerry Seinfeld
2. Someone Needs You? Naaaaah..
When I'm available no one texts me. But when I'm busy... BAM! ... still no one texts me.
3. How they Named?
Why is the place you drive on is a parkway, and the place you park on is the driveway?
4. When Laughter becomes Uncontrollable
That awkward moment when you want to laugh but it's completely inappropriate.
5. Defining Comedy
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
- Peter Ustinov
6. Comment Review
"No comment" is a comment
7. Rules of Success
There are two rules for ultimate success in life. 1. Never tell everything you know.
8. Try to Be Bad
I heard that you like bad boys. At wall-mart, I enter through the exit doors.
9. Who cares
Don’t like me? Aw cute, how you thought I cared!
10. Toilet talk
What did one toilet say to another? You look flushed.
11. Formula of Becoming Billionaire
I can be a billionaire if I get success in inventing that formula that lets you punch people in the face over the Internet.
12. Being Cheater
Don't forget my name because, later, you'll need it while screaming.
13. Thinking You're Funny
That weird moment when you realize that you were the only person who thought your punch was funny.
14. Affording Ability
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford?
15. Misunderstanding
Sorry if I looked interested. I’m not.
16. My Unique Handwriting
They say your handwriting is horrible but they don't understand my creativity. I have invented my unique font style.
17. Yes, Today It is True
Today's Reality:- Big house, Small Family. More Degrees, Less Common sense. Advanced Medicines, Poor Health. Reached Moon, Neighbor Unknown. High income, Less Peace of Mind. High IQ, Less Emotions. Good knowledge, Less Wisdom. Lots on friend on social networking sites, No best fast friend. Increasing population, Less Humanity. Costly Watches, No Time!
18. Studying, Cheating and Repeating
Miss: Do study hard and never cheat. Because It is better to fail than to cheat! Kid: Sorry miss but our philosophy is different. We believe that it is best to cheat than to repeat.
19. Guess and Hope
Confusing moment when you can't hear someone, you just laugh and hope it wasn't a question.
20. Messy Room, Ha Ha
My cousin: How Horrible! Your room is so messed up? Me: This little mess up making you so uncomfortable - Thank God, you have not seen my life yet.
21. Writing Competition
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
22. Giant's Gossip
Search engines: We have everything. Social networks: We know everybody. Connectivity: Without us you guys are nothing. Electricity: How funny!(ROFL)
23. Don't Bother
Oh lots of shits happen. So just flush and move on. (Laughing Really Loud)
24. Reminding of you
Today morning, I saw a piece of shit on the ground and it instantly reminded me of you.
25. That Irritating Friend
Everyone has that friend who borrows your stuff and keeps it as long as borrow it back. (Youngsters most-liked funny quote)
26. Ready to Die
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, prepare to die.
27. Don't Interfere
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man’s nose begins.
28. Don't Pressure me
Bad planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
29. About Ignorance
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
30. Almost Done
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
31. Doing Nothing is Possible
Who says nothing is impossible.. I've been doing nothing for years!
32. Not Locking Bathroom Door
That awkward moment when you forget to lock your bathroom door and someone opens and finds you..
33. Dating My Ex?
So you're having dates with my ex? Good. See I am eating in a restaurant, do you want some leftovers too?
34. Jumping Around At School
I got attention by being funny at school, pretending to be retarded, and jumping around with a deformed hand.
35. Worst is Yet to Come
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week.
36. Good Health
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
37. Admiring Your Ugliness
Why are you staring. Nope, I am just admiring how absolutely unattractive you are.
38. In Boxer Only
The awkward moment when you come out from your bathroom in boxer only and your sister's friend stares at you.
39. Not Funny at All
That embarrassing moment when you show someone something really funny and they don’t think it’s funny at all.
40. Death and Statics
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
41. On My Birthday
They hug me, post on wall and treat me like a king/queen on that day. I miss that that one-day popularity on rest of all 364 days. My Birthday. :-(
42. My Imaginations
I think I have some super powers, but just don't know how to activate them?
43. Romance with Cousin
She has stolen my boyfriend's number from my mobile. She is unbelievable. Ha ha ~ Now she is sending romantic texts to her cousin brother.
44. Very Careless Boyfriend
She left me. Why? She said I don't pay any attention to her or something like that, I wasn't really listening.
45. Mosquitoes and Blood
Him: Why there are different types of blood group? Me: Because our dear mosquitoes love variety of flavors.
46. My Tricks
The trick behind my messy room is if someone attempts to harm me he'll trip over and will be caught instantly.
47. Ground Hates
For heaven's sake, keep your head held high because even ground hates to see your face.
48. Being Awesome
When you are good, you are good, when you are awesome you are me.
49. Caps Lock Off
Funniest question ever seen - 'How Do I Turn Off Caps Lock?'
50. Right Brain Left Brain
After starting Engineering - I really like my brain.- Which is divided into 2 parts. Right & Left. In Right nothing is Left and in Left nothing is Right!
51. My Ideas
I hate when others steal my Idea.. Before I think of them.
52. Dreaming a Better Tomorrow
I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.
53. Marriage - A Trap
Very tough to live life without marriage but after marriage life becomes tougher.
54. My Food Love
You have no idea how happy I get when the microwave beeps and my food is ready. Lmao
55. Monday Stress
Murder should be legal on Mondays.
56. Unavailable Lifestyle
Sorry - The lifestyle you ordered is currently out of stock!
57. Your Parent's Mistake
When I see you - I get angry with your parents for not using precautions.
58. Standing with Dashing Friend
That hateful moment when your friends look so good and you're just standing besides them, feeling so restless.
59. On Television
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
60. Laughter Com out From Hips
If you suppress your laughter It goes back down to your hips.
61. Too Young
Dear doll, You're 13. Go and blow bubbles.. not boys.
62. Your Importance
You're as meaningful as the 'P' in psycho. (Rolling On Laughing Floor)
63. Changing Answers
That scary moment when you change the answer on test and realize the original answer was right.
64. Your Existence
The only problem with you is that you exist.
65. Under 30
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
66. Worst Date
On date: Fuel: $50 Movie and Burger: $50 Lunch: $30 Entertainment: $50 Room Rent: $200. And the reaction on his face when she reveals she's on her 2nd day.. Speechless!
67. Don't Love me
Don't fall in love me because I can't wake up every day to please you.
68. No More Good Days
Forget about "happily ever after". Nowadays it doesn't exist.
69. On Valentine's Day
I can already smell all the roses I'm not going to receive on Valentine’s day. :-)
70. Like Rest
The reason I fell for you so hard, was that you're not like the rest.
71. Error in Typing
You always remove entire words If you feel You might have mistyped one letter.
72. Continue Laughing
Got hit your head accidentally on something and continue laughing hard.
73. Laughing Alone
That strange moment when you are the only one laughing in the movie.
74. Nothing to Say
Why do people write LOL, when they have nothing else to say.
75. Realizing You are wrong
Confusing moment when you're having an argument with someone and halfway through you realize you're wrong.
76. Making Mistakes again and Again
Hey listen - I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like ten or twenty times, you know, just to be sure.
77. For You I Hate
I dedicate 3 words, 8 letters to you. Go to hell.
78. Getting Drunk
I just wanna get drunk to make bad decisions with you.
79.Mobile is Missing
It makes your heart beat faster when you Check your right pocket and find that your phone is not there.
80. Shut Up Please
I want top play that shut up game with you. You go first.
81. Why The Hell They Live
The problem with some people is that they are breathing.
82. Chap and Hard
You often buy cheaper phones because they are harder to break.
83. Checking Something
I don't stalk - I observe.
84. Relationship's Life
Relationships nowadays: First week: I love you honey. Second week: Together forever. Third week: Single and In search.
85. Sing of Over drunk
You know you are drunk when your cat barks.
86. Always Hungry
I'm so hungry. Didn't you just eat? Yeah, so?
87. For Singles
Singles always love to mingle.
88. When They Ignore You
I love when they ignore me.. It really makes me feel so special.
89. Hating Morning
I don’t like morning people... or mornings... or people.
90. Flirty Girls
The girl who looks so simple and sweet is the girl who has 4 boyfriends.
91. Not liking someone but still you have to be nice
I really feel helpless when I have to be nice to someone I really want to throw a brick at.
92. Disliking You
I really dislike you from the bottom of my heart.
93. Insulting them
If you're sad about being alone on Valentine's Day, just remember.. Nobody loves you on the other days of the year either.
94. SO Confused
That awkward moment when you can't decide if you're sad or mad.
95. Being Lazy
You tend to say 'I don't know' when you just too lazy to think.
96. Looking Suspiciously
Why do they look at me with suspicious eyes when I get good marks on a test.
97. My Capabilities
I may look nice to you but don't underestimate me. You have no idea what I'm capable of.
98. Girls Behavior
Girls hate each other for no reason.
99. Ignoring Someone
"Call you later" simply means "Stop talking to me".
100. One Bad Person
There is always one person in everyone's life who ruins their whole entire day or week or year.
101. Annoy Me
Now is NOT a good time to annoy me.
102. Note On Beauty Parlor
Note written at wall of beauty parlor "Do not whistle at the girl going out from here because she might be your grand mom.
I am really very good, nice and silent while sleeping.
Their thumb automatically dance when they don’t know how to answer anything.
Most of us spent the 1st 3 weeks terrified of the class. Then solidarity kicked in.
Read more related humor stuff at Short Hilarious Jokes Quotes and Funny Quotes for having ultimate enjoyable time ever.
So for the all those surfers who look for entertainment (well all), these 99 funniest, spicy, juicy and hilarious quotes can really prove good help when they scroll on.
0. Being Lazy and getting award
If there was an award for laziness... I'd probably send someone to pick it up for me.
1. Think Negative
Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
~Jerry Seinfeld
2. Someone Needs You? Naaaaah..
When I'm available no one texts me. But when I'm busy... BAM! ... still no one texts me.
3. How they Named?
Why is the place you drive on is a parkway, and the place you park on is the driveway?
4. When Laughter becomes Uncontrollable
That awkward moment when you want to laugh but it's completely inappropriate.
5. Defining Comedy
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
- Peter Ustinov
6. Comment Review
"No comment" is a comment
7. Rules of Success
There are two rules for ultimate success in life. 1. Never tell everything you know.
8. Try to Be Bad
I heard that you like bad boys. At wall-mart, I enter through the exit doors.
9. Who cares
Don’t like me? Aw cute, how you thought I cared!
10. Toilet talk
What did one toilet say to another? You look flushed.
11. Formula of Becoming Billionaire
I can be a billionaire if I get success in inventing that formula that lets you punch people in the face over the Internet.
12. Being Cheater
Don't forget my name because, later, you'll need it while screaming.
13. Thinking You're Funny
That weird moment when you realize that you were the only person who thought your punch was funny.
14. Affording Ability
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford?
15. Misunderstanding
Sorry if I looked interested. I’m not.
16. My Unique Handwriting
They say your handwriting is horrible but they don't understand my creativity. I have invented my unique font style.
17. Yes, Today It is True
Today's Reality:- Big house, Small Family. More Degrees, Less Common sense. Advanced Medicines, Poor Health. Reached Moon, Neighbor Unknown. High income, Less Peace of Mind. High IQ, Less Emotions. Good knowledge, Less Wisdom. Lots on friend on social networking sites, No best fast friend. Increasing population, Less Humanity. Costly Watches, No Time!
18. Studying, Cheating and Repeating
Miss: Do study hard and never cheat. Because It is better to fail than to cheat! Kid: Sorry miss but our philosophy is different. We believe that it is best to cheat than to repeat.
19. Guess and Hope
Confusing moment when you can't hear someone, you just laugh and hope it wasn't a question.
20. Messy Room, Ha Ha
My cousin: How Horrible! Your room is so messed up? Me: This little mess up making you so uncomfortable - Thank God, you have not seen my life yet.
21. Writing Competition
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
22. Giant's Gossip
Search engines: We have everything. Social networks: We know everybody. Connectivity: Without us you guys are nothing. Electricity: How funny!(ROFL)
23. Don't Bother
Oh lots of shits happen. So just flush and move on. (Laughing Really Loud)
24. Reminding of you
Today morning, I saw a piece of shit on the ground and it instantly reminded me of you.
25. That Irritating Friend
Everyone has that friend who borrows your stuff and keeps it as long as borrow it back. (Youngsters most-liked funny quote)
26. Ready to Die
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, prepare to die.
27. Don't Interfere
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man’s nose begins.
28. Don't Pressure me
Bad planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
29. About Ignorance
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
30. Almost Done
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
31. Doing Nothing is Possible
Who says nothing is impossible.. I've been doing nothing for years!
32. Not Locking Bathroom Door
That awkward moment when you forget to lock your bathroom door and someone opens and finds you..
33. Dating My Ex?
So you're having dates with my ex? Good. See I am eating in a restaurant, do you want some leftovers too?
34. Jumping Around At School
I got attention by being funny at school, pretending to be retarded, and jumping around with a deformed hand.
35. Worst is Yet to Come
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week.
36. Good Health
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
37. Admiring Your Ugliness
Why are you staring. Nope, I am just admiring how absolutely unattractive you are.
38. In Boxer Only
The awkward moment when you come out from your bathroom in boxer only and your sister's friend stares at you.
39. Not Funny at All
That embarrassing moment when you show someone something really funny and they don’t think it’s funny at all.
40. Death and Statics
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
41. On My Birthday
They hug me, post on wall and treat me like a king/queen on that day. I miss that that one-day popularity on rest of all 364 days. My Birthday. :-(
42. My Imaginations
I think I have some super powers, but just don't know how to activate them?
43. Romance with Cousin
She has stolen my boyfriend's number from my mobile. She is unbelievable. Ha ha ~ Now she is sending romantic texts to her cousin brother.
44. Very Careless Boyfriend
She left me. Why? She said I don't pay any attention to her or something like that, I wasn't really listening.
45. Mosquitoes and Blood
Him: Why there are different types of blood group? Me: Because our dear mosquitoes love variety of flavors.
46. My Tricks
The trick behind my messy room is if someone attempts to harm me he'll trip over and will be caught instantly.
47. Ground Hates
For heaven's sake, keep your head held high because even ground hates to see your face.
48. Being Awesome
When you are good, you are good, when you are awesome you are me.
49. Caps Lock Off
Funniest question ever seen - 'How Do I Turn Off Caps Lock?'
50. Right Brain Left Brain
After starting Engineering - I really like my brain.- Which is divided into 2 parts. Right & Left. In Right nothing is Left and in Left nothing is Right!
51. My Ideas
I hate when others steal my Idea.. Before I think of them.
52. Dreaming a Better Tomorrow
I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.
53. Marriage - A Trap
Very tough to live life without marriage but after marriage life becomes tougher.
54. My Food Love
You have no idea how happy I get when the microwave beeps and my food is ready. Lmao
55. Monday Stress
Murder should be legal on Mondays.
56. Unavailable Lifestyle
Sorry - The lifestyle you ordered is currently out of stock!
57. Your Parent's Mistake
When I see you - I get angry with your parents for not using precautions.
58. Standing with Dashing Friend
That hateful moment when your friends look so good and you're just standing besides them, feeling so restless.
59. On Television
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
60. Laughter Com out From Hips
If you suppress your laughter It goes back down to your hips.
61. Too Young
Dear doll, You're 13. Go and blow bubbles.. not boys.
62. Your Importance
You're as meaningful as the 'P' in psycho. (Rolling On Laughing Floor)
63. Changing Answers
That scary moment when you change the answer on test and realize the original answer was right.
64. Your Existence
The only problem with you is that you exist.
65. Under 30
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
66. Worst Date
On date: Fuel: $50 Movie and Burger: $50 Lunch: $30 Entertainment: $50 Room Rent: $200. And the reaction on his face when she reveals she's on her 2nd day.. Speechless!
67. Don't Love me
Don't fall in love me because I can't wake up every day to please you.
68. No More Good Days
Forget about "happily ever after". Nowadays it doesn't exist.
69. On Valentine's Day
I can already smell all the roses I'm not going to receive on Valentine’s day. :-)
70. Like Rest
The reason I fell for you so hard, was that you're not like the rest.
71. Error in Typing
You always remove entire words If you feel You might have mistyped one letter.
72. Continue Laughing
Got hit your head accidentally on something and continue laughing hard.
73. Laughing Alone
That strange moment when you are the only one laughing in the movie.
74. Nothing to Say
Why do people write LOL, when they have nothing else to say.
75. Realizing You are wrong
Confusing moment when you're having an argument with someone and halfway through you realize you're wrong.
76. Making Mistakes again and Again
Hey listen - I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like ten or twenty times, you know, just to be sure.
77. For You I Hate
I dedicate 3 words, 8 letters to you. Go to hell.
78. Getting Drunk
I just wanna get drunk to make bad decisions with you.
79.Mobile is Missing
It makes your heart beat faster when you Check your right pocket and find that your phone is not there.
80. Shut Up Please
I want top play that shut up game with you. You go first.
81. Why The Hell They Live
The problem with some people is that they are breathing.
82. Chap and Hard
You often buy cheaper phones because they are harder to break.
83. Checking Something
I don't stalk - I observe.
84. Relationship's Life
Relationships nowadays: First week: I love you honey. Second week: Together forever. Third week: Single and In search.
85. Sing of Over drunk
You know you are drunk when your cat barks.
86. Always Hungry
I'm so hungry. Didn't you just eat? Yeah, so?
87. For Singles
Singles always love to mingle.
88. When They Ignore You
I love when they ignore me.. It really makes me feel so special.
89. Hating Morning
I don’t like morning people... or mornings... or people.
90. Flirty Girls
The girl who looks so simple and sweet is the girl who has 4 boyfriends.
91. Not liking someone but still you have to be nice
I really feel helpless when I have to be nice to someone I really want to throw a brick at.
92. Disliking You
I really dislike you from the bottom of my heart.
93. Insulting them
If you're sad about being alone on Valentine's Day, just remember.. Nobody loves you on the other days of the year either.
94. SO Confused
That awkward moment when you can't decide if you're sad or mad.
95. Being Lazy
You tend to say 'I don't know' when you just too lazy to think.
96. Looking Suspiciously
Why do they look at me with suspicious eyes when I get good marks on a test.
97. My Capabilities
I may look nice to you but don't underestimate me. You have no idea what I'm capable of.
98. Girls Behavior
Girls hate each other for no reason.
99. Ignoring Someone
"Call you later" simply means "Stop talking to me".
100. One Bad Person
There is always one person in everyone's life who ruins their whole entire day or week or year.
101. Annoy Me
Now is NOT a good time to annoy me.
102. Note On Beauty Parlor
Note written at wall of beauty parlor "Do not whistle at the girl going out from here because she might be your grand mom.
I am really very good, nice and silent while sleeping.
Their thumb automatically dance when they don’t know how to answer anything.
Most of us spent the 1st 3 weeks terrified of the class. Then solidarity kicked in.
Read more related humor stuff at Short Hilarious Jokes Quotes and Funny Quotes for having ultimate enjoyable time ever.
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