About: It is up to us how we deal with life. Exact same moment, for two different people, can be funny or sad. It is totally depend on their attitude, habits and sense of humor. Some people try to find reasons for laughter in every situation while others tend to look for problems. Creating humor, sharing jokes and funny quotes can be very tactful way of coping hurdles of life. See, at the end of it, no one gonna live forever. So it is really wise to not to take much pressures and tensions. Always give your 100% on every task and leave everything on to 'Karma'. Someone has rightly been said that "Life is very simple but we insist on making it complicated" So take the oath from now to enjoy every present moment and celebrate the blessing of God. By doing so, you can gain and hold attention of everyone around. We are trying to put an effort to make you laugh with below written hilarious jokes and quotes and don't worry as we keep them brief and short.
1-12 Short Jokes
1. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
1a. Money can't buy poverty.
1b. Skinny jeans are like calories. Easy to put on but impossible to take off.
1d. He Meets an Accident with his new Mercedes.
Him while crying: Officer! See what happened with my luxury car!!
Police: You're Such materialistic. You Even haven't noticed that your right leg has been cut off.
He looks at his right leg and yells - Oh No My Nike shoes..
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4. Pl quit smoking. 100% of all smokers die. So what - Do 100% of all non-smokers stay alive?
4a. It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
5. A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
5a. The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
6. Guy: Will you be my girl? Girl: Excuse me! Him: Listen to me. I’m rich. She: Oh hi I’m Sara, 20 yrs old. Him: Hi Beauty, My name is Rich, 22 yrs old, single!!
6a. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
6b. It doesn't matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the horses.
6c. I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.
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10 Sometime I think that Bill Gates last name is GATES.. so why in the world does he sell Windows?
11. Why can't I remember the moments of my childhood everyone keeps on talking about. It is like being drunk - They remember everything what I did, except me.
11b. Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.
12. A Japanese woman must be having one birthdays because all others are anniversaries!!
12a. That one person you wish to punch on face without getting in trouble.
12b. Dad: How will you separate a mixture of sand and sugar?
Son: Simple, I will give the mixture to the ants. they will take the sugar and leave the sand.
These are my principles. If you don’t like them, I have others.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
What is the meaning of coincidence?
24 Hours in a day, 24 beers in a case!
Oh, you're 100% useless. No, you can use me as a bad example!
Q: Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn the volume of the radio down?
A: To hear the cars behind you brake! 5 STAR Funny Question & Answer!
I feel so happy from inside when a teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs!
Once a horse walks into a bar? The barman says why the long face!
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A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted,"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied,"I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms"
And which dwarf are you?
A crow says to a woodpecker 'what are your eating habits?' and the woodpecker replied 'well, I am a bit of a PECKY eater.'
A joke is a very serious thing.
- Winston Churchill
My friend Dang is really so short that he makes me wonder like he works at piggy bank!
To be or not to be... I think its a trick question.
Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
What’s black and white and eats like a horse?
A Zebra.
Yo mama hair so short that she curls it with rice.
I used to wonder what it'd be like to read other people's mind. Then I opened an account into social network site and now I am over it.
Him: Hello, My name is cliff.
Me: Go and drop over on sometime else.
Yo mamma's so old, she farts dust.
Beware of the Dog.. The Cat is not trustworthy either.
Q: Why do they call it a pair of pants, a pair of shoes, and pair of spectacles but a bra is just a bra?
A: Speechless!
My Dog Can Lick Anyone!
Admit it that you try to listen what strangers are talking about and mentally give your opinions.
Some people laugh is really funnier than any joke.
My life is short. I can't listen to banality.
When they say "I'll think about it", what they really mean is, "I'll forget about it completely until you bring it up again."
Him: Why are you looking so sad. Stop crying?
Me: Nope, I'm just having an allergic reaction.
Him: For what?
Me: That teasing Life!
Everyone has someone in their life whose laugh is funnier than the jokes they crack.
Blonde goes to a pizza shop and orders one pizza. the person at the counter asks her: "would you like your pizza cut in 6 slices or 12?" and the blonde said "Six please! One couldn't possibly eat 12 slices!".
1-15 Funny Quote
-3 Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. - Groucho Marx
-2. That moment when you meow at cat and they don't meow you back!
-1. I really need a week off from this damn reality, a enjoying week without any shocking news and all those bullshits that run through my mind all the time.
0. Being a funny person does an awful lot of things to you. You feel that you mustn't get serious with people. They don't expect it from you, and they don't want to see it. You're not entitled to be serious, you're a clown.
- Fanny Brice
1. You and me are perfect and cutest. Ha Ha just kidding. you're really useless.
2. I have sure forecast for tonight - Yes It is going to be so dark!
3. Her FB status - "I'm Sitting" - 126 likes - 65 comments. His status - "Just got Proportion" - 1 likes - 2 comment!
4. 95 percent of all constipated people do not give a crap.
4a. I'm 47, You learn life is short and it's not worth doing something if you don't enjoy it.
- Trisha Yearwood
5. Their horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
6. The toughest job in the world: Police sketch artist in China.
7. You learn a new word and suddenly start listening it everywhere.
8. I am fearing of growing up because it's a Trap..
9. When you hear yourself eating crunchy food, You often wonder if people can hear it too.
10. Does fuzzy logic tickle?
11. There's always that one friend who catches you doing something weird.
12. Looking at someone too gorgeous and beautiful - thinking "Wow, let me serve you"
13. How can you go 10 days without sleeping? Because I sleeps at night.
14. "Draw a blank"? Better to ask my bank a/c manager!
15. Do you exercise? Yes if it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all!
"K" = the most powerful way to piss someone off while messaging..
I am actually a really nice good person But I simply do not like other people.
All women are good - good for nothing, or good for something.
- Miguel De Cervantes
I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.
- Joe E. Lewis
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.
Confucius says: man who sinks into woman's arm soon have arms in woman's sink.
Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?
~ John Barrymore
Maybe this world is another planet's hell.
- Aldous Huxley
If Couples that are in love are called ‘Love Birds’ then couples that always argue should be called
‘Angry Birds’...
Girl: Professor, Do you remember me? You asked me to marry you some years ago!
Professor: Yes I remember but did you?
Fame means millions of people have the wrong idea of who you are. - Erica Jong
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